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Concept
Politeness
Summary
Politeness is the practical application of good manners or etiquette so as not to offend others. It is a culturally defined phenomenon, and therefore what is considered polite in one culture can sometimes be quite rude or simply eccentric in another cultural context.
While the goal of politeness is to refrain from behaving in an offensive way so as not to offend others and make all people feel relaxed and comfortable with one another, these culturally defined standards at times may be manipulated.
Anthropologists Penelope Brown and Stephen Levinson identified two kinds of politeness, deriving from Erving Goffman's concept of face:
Negative politeness: Making a request less infringing, such as "If you don't mind..." or "If it isn't too much trouble..."; respects a person's right to act freely. In other words, deference. There is a greater use of indirect speech acts. Also considered a part of being assertive.
Non-assertive politeness: when a person refrains from making a comment or asserting their beliefs during a discussion so as to remain polite to others present. Also when a person goes along with a decision made by someone else so as not to appear impolite.
Assertive politeness: when a person offers their opinion in a positive and constructive way to be assistive and helpful during an interaction. Or to refrain from agreeing with something they do not actually agree with in a way that does not offend others.
Positive politeness: Seeks to establish a positive relationship between parties; respects a person's need to be liked and understood. Direct speech acts, swearing and flouting Grice's maxims can be considered aspects of positive politeness because:
they show an awareness that the relationship is strong enough to cope with what would normally be considered impolite (in the popular understanding of the term);
they articulate an awareness of the other person's values, which fulfills the person's desire to be accepted.
Some cultures seem to prefer one of these kinds of politeness over the other.
Official source
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